Thank you - Tomlin Wilding

Thank you

The last few weeks at work have been hard going as well. The week after the Easter break was a huge challenge for my son, and it was not smooth. Then I went away for three days over the weekend to work. It was great, and it was tiring, and my being away leaves my children more dysregulated; they need more of me than usual when I get back. I came home to a three-year-old with chickenpox, and to the realisation that my son was not coping.

My physical and emotional energy is seriously low.

Last night Obiwan, my husband, and I had a serious argument about how to manage our son at home. I have come to understand that parents of SEND children have these disagreements more often than other parents do. We have four children, all of them potentially neurodivergent, all in completely different ways. I know a great deal about child development and parenting. I train people to educate and support parents. And still: finding the right approach for this moment with this child and this neurology, balancing boundaries against autonomy, and finding the strength to empathise and hold space for all four of them, is beyond exhausting.

Underneath that exhaustion sits a great deal of fear, for both of us. We each have our own programming to fight, our own triggers, our own neurodivergence to manage. We do not always agree on the right response or the right course of action, and agreeing at all times is impossible, particularly when we are both certain we are right. The worst part is that the person you rely on most, the one who is always on your team, suddenly seems to be working against you. You are both so emotionally invested, and acting so much out of fear and out of a wish to protect yourself and your child, that it is very hard not to overcook the argument.

Thank you to the following.

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